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He’ll compliment Mum on her hair, cooking, lovely kitchen – always a big draw – and join in on any gentle ribbing.Your mum, however, will see through this straightaway. She’ll know that his “Ooh yummy” as he spoons more trifle into his mouth is a great big fake, and that her kitchen looks like the ape house at London Zoo at the best of times.There’ll be men you’ll meet who you’d instantly think would be perfect mother material, and others you know are only for 1.The Lick On paper, this sycophant looks like the perfect guy to bring back to the family pile.This one’s up to something, and your mother shan’t rest until she’s worked out what it is.

I am the same person, who is wanting the same thing, but approaching it via Grindr has completely changed how I am viewed.Mother doesn’t need to tell you that she thinks this is too soon after your breakup or that you’re being an idiot; she knows you know she’s thinking that already.You’ll bring him home, though, with mooncalf eyes and misplaced gusto. But she won’t commit his name to memory; she will never write his name on your Christmas card. A day when, if like me you don’t live in the same town as your mum, you drag yourself to the phone, hungover, to wish her well and hope the flowers and presents have arrived.Taking someone home to meet your mum is a big deal, no matter how young or old you are.

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